The Skinny Hits the Green Mountains…again

Burlington, VT (Sept. 28)--Like the rising anticipation between the ’03 and ’05 Presidents Cups, the NEPGT Wagon rolls into Vermont National Golf Course on Thursday to settle unfinished business dating back to June’s rain-plagued event.

Let’s hope Mother Nature and her unneeded Heaven Spit won’t punish us as if we owe her rent.

This habitual Skinny Shakedown has slowly started to resemble a distorted Geraldo Rivera Marriage Wheel: I commit myself to each tournament then hastily move on to the next city. (Or, in his case, younger women.)

Well, we’re now eight events deep, and the NEPGT’s finest have repeatedly delivered week in and week out.

You know Who’s Who and Who’s Not.

Heck, Robbie Opp and Geoff Sisk have become the Atlanta Braves of the Tour.

They don’t collect wins as if they were on sale, ala Mike Harris, but they’re always in contention for the Fall Classic, a moniker that has been shared by the World Series and the fast-approaching PGA Tour Q School.

With just two events remaining, Oppenheim leads Sisk by 112 points in the race for the $4,500 PGA Tour Q School tuition check.

They’re budding rivalry has slowly turned into a poor drama movie with even poorer acting.

When asked to talk about the point race, Oppenheim giggles, bats his eyes and gives me that same old, “You try not to worry about it. You just try your best.”

Sisk takes a different approach.

He’ll stare at me just long enough to make me feel awkward then he transforms into Auto Quote: “I’m just trying to get ready for Tour School. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”

Take a look at their interviews from the first round of Samoset. It’s hilarious.

Oppenheim and Sisk do hold the top two spots in scoring average and total birdies, but their comparative lack of length puts them at a distinct disadvantage at Vermont National, which has four par 5’s, including two of more than 580 yards. Vermont National is also home to two of the five most difficult holes on Tour in ’04, the 227-yard 17th and 469-yard 15th.

The Baby Bombers, who are almost as long as the drive to Samoset, could have an edge this week.

Recently crowned NEPGT champ Nick Cook. The steadily improving Corey Brigham. Possibly even Shelburne, VT resident Andy Bare, who has struggled of late but will have a home course advantage. Matty Donovan could meet and greet the top of the leaderboard if he can avoid that one bad round that has been holding him back.

Jim West has struggled this season, but his length, and more so his affinity for Vermont National, could make him a contestant on the “Who’s Going to Leave South Burlington with an Over-sized Check” Game Show.

It’s tough to gauge how long these players really are just by glancing at their par-5 statistics, so let me play LeVar Burton and tell you a story.

After Andy Bare shot a course record-tying 65 in the second round at LeBaron Hills, we went through what clubs he hit into each green. We came to 18, which was playing 511 yards. He told me he hit his second shot with a wedge from about 140 yards.

I stared at him just long enough to make him feel awkward, Sisk-style.

“It’s playing downwind,” he said, matter-of-factly.

I scribbled profanities in my notes and dazed in and out of consciousness for a few minutes.

But I digress.

Ultimately, this week’s champion might end up taking a crash course in “How to Avoid Burlington’s Nightlife.”

In fact, I bet my Fidra rain jacket that Burlington has more bars than a jail cell. (Editor’s note: I wouldn’t risk the loss of my Fidra rain jacket for anything less than a date with Katie Holmes.)

Betting has been rampant on Tour these days, stemming from last week’s stirring Skinny.

I even placed a Pete Rose (AKA: bet) of my own at Samoset.

I won’t name names, but let’s just say that my lunch was paid for on Friday.

Everyone got in the action except you, the NEPGT FAN.

I’ll take any and all bets—just ask The Ghost. He picked up my lunch tab at Samoset. If he vanishes from a final round once again this week, that’ll be another turkey club sandwich that I eat and he pays for.

Delicious.

I’d stay and chat but the there’s less time between Samoset and Vermont than my trigonometry and science classes during my senior year of high school.

I’ve got to run to my locker.